Government Efficiency

I am frantically trying to get all of our paperwork together to cross the boarders into Canada. This has been no fun boys and girls. My lovely husband put our birth certificates and Lilith's Social Security card in a "safe" place and now can't find them so I have to replace them all. Getting Lilith's birth certificate was a breeze. Ordering Will's and mine was easy through an online service but expensive with all of the notary fees, faxing long distance fees, and the rush delivery fees. I also decided to change my last name to the rest of my little families as it has been 4 years now that I have been married, I guess it is time. The first encounter I had with our governments efficiency, I go to get a certified copy of our marriage license and am asked if I am using it to change my name. I tell them that I am and they give me a map to the social security office and send Lilith and I on our way. I get to the building and it is closed. The next day, I drive back using the nice little map and am handed another map by the receptionist. (she has a whole stack of them next to her by the way) Turns out instead of picking up the phone and calling the marriage license people and TELLING them, "Hey, would you mind not sending anymore women to our clinic that are looking to change their name because we are not the Social Security office and I have the right address and phone number of the Social security Office that I will gladly give you so these women will quit having to drive across town for nothing", they decided it was easier just to print their OWN map and send us on some weird Government building Social Security Card Treasure Hunt!!! Okay, so I get there, to the real office and the woman I get after waiting an hour is very curt and blunt. I have noticed out of the three windows, hers moves the fastest and now I know why...She takes my forms to change my name and issue a new social security card and then tells me that they can't issue Lilith one without a shot record or her name and date of birth printed on a valid insurance card. As I am whipping out my wallet and frantically looking for our insurance card, she says, "most insurance companies don't put that information on their cards anymore". I find the card as she is telling me this and sure enough, it isn't on there. So I find myself dismissed. I drive all the way, like a maniac, sorry if any of you were cut off by the hello kitty mobile that day, to our doctors office. I tell them that I need a copy of Lilith's shot records and they give me a photo copy of that page of her chart. I drive back again like a maniac (most government offices close at 4pm and open at 9am did you know that?). I get there at 2:50. I wait an hour and a 20 minutes. I am praying that I don't get the same woman again, I do of course. She takes one look at the photo copy of the shot records and I am dismissed. I am told that it has to be signed and stamped. I tell her that I worked for this clinic (which is true) and I know that this is about all they give for shot records. She says well it has to be signed and stamped. So the next day I call my doctors office and tell them my dilemma. I ask them if they have any of the school physical forms that have the space for the immunisations and if they could please hand copy her shot record onto one. They do and I go back to the Social security office. I no longer need to use the map. I get there and the security guard give me a pitying look. They are on number 3 when I get there. I am issued number 15. There is one window open. This woman takes 20 minutes with one person basically saying, "I'm sorry but a work id isn't enough..." over and over again. She is too nice. I am starting to wish for the rude but efficient woman from yesterday after 3 hours. The security guard starts having to tell disgruntle people that it is the employees lunch. (did you know that employees at some social security offices get 3 hours for lunch apparently?) Finally a man opens his window and the too nice woman finishes with the person at her window (this takes over 10 minutes) and the guy whips through people while not as rude as the lady the day before, he does seem to say, "I'm sorry you don't have the required paperwork." a lot without dragging it out with tons of explanations like the too nice lady that just left, who I presume went to take her 3 hour lunch. Lilith has eaten her snack that I brought with us and is now trying to yank my shirt off either over my head or pull the v neck down and yelling "boobie". I have made 60 laps around the waiting area chasing her. They get to the number before mine and the man calls it three times then says, "well this is going to make number 15 very happy". And I jump up at the point and say,"yippie it sure does!!". Everyone laughs. Then I Stand Lilith on the counter in front of the old fashioned teller window (complete with the little circle cut out to speak through). Lilith stands there and starts pounding on the glass and leaning to speak in the little circle saying, "hi", to the man. He ignores her. Then she starts pounding again as he is taking my forms and her "official" shot record. I say, Lilith, tell him, "I want my card" as she is pounding on the glass. The waiting area laughs again. He looks up at her at this point and she smiles in her super cute way and he says," Well how can I refuse that sweet smile." We get her card.