Baby Kitty and unfortunately Baby Rat

Those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile might recall the ugly plastic rat that my husband gave Lilith and how unfortunately she loved it. I started to hate this rat when Lilith discovered that I have a strong aversion to said rat and started to chase me around the house with it. I begrudgingly obliged. Then there was the time we were at a very crowded Red Robin and she started looking around frantically while saying, "Rat! where is Rat? Rat! Rat where are you!"
Yep that was fun. So recently she started wrapping the rat in a small blanket and referring to it as, "Baby Rat". I don't know why but this REALLY bothered me. It horrified me one evening however when she presented me with the blanket wrapped rat and told me that baby rat was hungry and proceeded to to try to tell me that I needed to give baby rat boobie (breastfeed it). Yes, go ahead and laugh. It would be funny for me too it it wasn't actually happening to ME! I went out the next day determined to find something to take the place of baby rat. Since I am against forcing any kind of gender behavior on any child, I didn't want to buy her a "baby" doll so I found this line of stuffed animals that are made by Fisher Price. They coo (the tiger I got her purrs when held), make eating noises when fed, yawn, their eyes open and close, etc. They even come with a bottle, blanket, and wear a changeable diaper. I know it is still a little too much like mommy training but at least it isn't a rat and it has a bottle so it can eat from it, hopefully this will leave me and my breasts out of the equation! We even got Baby Kitty a bassinet for it to sleep in next to Lilith's bed. She loves it. She gets up first thing in the morning and feeds it, feeds it after her bath, feeds it after her own meals. She checks its diaper reporting to us if baby kitty is wet or dry. Then she moved Baby Rat into the bassinet too. She takes turns feeding them both. I am trying not to be too disturbed by this. I am also questioning the whole nature verse nurture aspect of the whole situation. I have made sure that I haven't tried to push her towards "girl" toys and behavior. Yes, I dress her in lots of pinks and cutsie clothes but I SWEAR that is where the girlieness stops. I bought her a train set as well as a toy kitchen for her birthday this year. I make sure I buy her what ever she is drawn too weather it is giant t-Rex dinosaurs or stuffed animals. I swear I have no idea where she learned the whole parenting behavior unless she is recreating her own experiences with baby rat and baby kitty. Maybe she learned it at school. I just hope it is a phase, a cute one at times granted, but hopefully a short fascination before she moves on to something less disturbing like Lego's or puzzles.

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More adventures in breastfeeding a toddler

Okay so anyone who reads my blog even semi regularly knows that Lilith loves the boobie. Well now I may have some incite as to why she loves it so very much! I know that I eat a lot of dark chocolate what with the Anna crack pictured above (I have a packet of those almost every day!) and all of the dark chocolate covered protein bars I consume a week, what happened at Subway the other night shouldn't surprise me but it did. So we are out having a "healthy" free dinner (you get free Subway meal cards when the hospital staffing department screws you over. (If they are really desperate you can score a $50 gift certificate and a pair of free movie passes) unfortunately I qualify for one or more of these cards at least once a week every week!) at the hospital Subway. We give Lilith fortified soy milk at home so she usually won't touch regular cows milk so we ordered chocolate milk for her. She is drinking it out of her sippy cup when all of a sudden she gets an ernest expression and starts to sign milk. So Will and I are happy and smiling and praising her when she shakes her head and starts reaching for my shirt and pulling at it. So I am trying to tell her no you have to drink the chocolate milk here Lilith. Then she looks frustrated and says, "boobie" and signs milk. I try to tell her that she has to have the special chocolate milk right now, it's really a treat Lilith num num you want it don't you, etc. She looks at her father as I am obviously not getting it. She says, "boobie" and signs milk and picks up the sippy cup and takes a big swig and says again, "B-O-O-B-I-E" and smiles big. Then we exchange a look of confusion as it dawns on us that she is saying that the chocolate milk tastes like boobie milk. Will then says, "I think we need to talk to Mommy about her diet". She is never going to wean, I mean if my boobs produce chocolate milk, why would she!

THE DANGERS OF BREASTFEEDING A TODDLER,that no book warns you about

me breastfeeding before going into the OR to have my surgery..Will had to pry her off the boobie.
So I am out before work (bad idea from the very start, trying to shorten myself on sleep even more than usual to rush around shopping before a 12 hour night shift)in a scrub top that fit me when I was 100 pounds heavier (another bad idea, I know, but since the move, some clothes that actually would fit me now {they are from 2000-2002 when I was on a liquid fast and was size 10 and under [I was actually a size 6 for like 3 months till I ate a salad]}ended up in our storage so I am having to make do with what actually ended up fitting in the bug or getting mailed to us by Will's friend in Washington before they moved to Hawaii (another long story). I am too cheap to buy new scrubs when I know that I have over 100 pairs (seriously I do, those of you know me personally know it to be a fact)in storage that we keep planning on having shipped up..any day now (just watch me pull the $3000.00 out of my hat boys and girls)..So I am in GNC trying to justify A $300+ purchase for protein bars, shakes, and vitamins when I realize the teenage boy waiting on me is blushing redder by the minute. It is only then that I realize Lilith has her hand down the v neck of my shirt and is playing with my right breast. (this more than any other example I can give tells you just how desensitized you become to someone fondling your breasts after 2 years of breastfeeding) So I quickly try to pull her hand out of my shirt and start telling her, "no Lilith, not here". To which she turns to the teen age boy who is almost purple at this point, and looks him dead in the eye and says, "Mama Boobie , G-O-O-D!" with a big smile. I thought the poor guy was going to faint.

Mothering your nursing toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner

I think my reading of this book precipitated his sending me the video I posted a couple of posts back. It is a feel good book for mothers who decide to breastfeed longer than a year. It is filled with lots of stories from mothers that have enjoyed extended breastfeeding. The author addresses breastfeeding up till age 4. She joking refers to this as, "Through the chain link fence". I have no intention of breastfeeding Lilith till she is four but 3 is a possibility. The world health organisation recommends children being breastfed till they are 3. I think Lilith is verbal enough to tell me when she wants to quit. She only breastfeeds first thing in the morning, for naps and right before bed. To be honest, this is sometimes the only time during the day when I get to stop and take a moment to rest and daydream. So it isn't just good for her. I often nap some with her during her early morning nap (she only naps once a day some days). I was really happy to still be breastfeeding when she was sick recently, it was about all she would take and I could tell it gave her comfort.
This book addresses many concerns that mothers will have (and gives you information to argue your reasons for extended breastfeeding)such as, nursing and weight gain, night nursing-a factor in tooth decay, mothers nutritional needs (I should write the la leche league about my situation, I don't know of any other mother that nursed through wls surgery although there has to be others right?), coping with family and outside pressures, employment outside of the home, and weaning. It has whole chapters devoted to nursing your one year old, two year old,three year old, and four year old. It has some very sensible weaning methods that don't involve crying, withholding, or more dramatic options that I have read else where.

My husband sent this to me, think he is trying to say something?

2 months 55 pounds gone and some weird feelings

I was surprised when my primary care MD asked me about how I would feel about going on antidepressants at my DAUGHTERS 10 month appointment a few weeks ago. My Dr. is lovely and I am able to be honest with her so I said, "Antidepressants"? "I have just had the surgery that I have been trying to get for over 6 years and have lost over 50 pounds. Aren't I suppose to be REALLY happy right now? What is wrong with me?" she told me that any surgery is stressful and this surgery is especially stressful because you are having to change your whole life and you are loosing a friend...food. She also said that estrogen is stored in the fat and is released by the truck loads when you loose this much weight so quickly. I am still breastfeeding (but my milk supply is almost gone) so I decided against the antidepressants for another month or so till my daughter is a year then I plan to stop breastfeeding and if I still feel down..bring on the antidepressants.
It is all very confusing even with the explanation. I guess I built this whole experience up in my mind so much (even though I told myself that I wasn't)that it is sort of anticlimactic now that it is actually happening. I get compliments everyday, from my coworkers, store clerks, friends, neighbors, and my husband but I guess some how I thought it would "feel" different. Maybe having all of those strictures and vomiting so much from them in the beginning kind of soured this experience for me a little. I still worry that the stricture fairy will visit me again.
I still have a way to go even though Dr. Snyder says I will be at goal in 9 months. Hearing that actually made me feel very disconcerted. I replied, "Wow, really" but inside I had this strange feeling of pressure. I am afraid that I won't make it in 9 months and then I will feel like a failure. Silly I know but that is still what looms in my mind. I even went so far as to average it out and at 10 pounds a month..I will be at goal in the 9 month time frame. Even plans like Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem promise 2-3 pounds a week in weight loss and I am consuming much less than I ever did on either of those programs. I have been able to see the changes in myself, especially in my legs and face. Ironically the first place I noticed the weight loss was my feet. Yep, my shoes are super loose these days. Funny a benefit I didn't expect from this surgery!
My husband says it will get easier when he has the surgery. He has completed all but one of his preop required appointments. He is even has ended up with a cpap out of all of this. I had been telling him that he needed one for years. I do agree that it is hard to eat 2-4ounces when he is eating large portions. It is even harder when he has something that I can't eat at all. Like pizza, something we use to enjoy at least once a week. I will admit that I tried to eat just the meat toppings off a slice and was SSSSOOOO SICK! I am never going to look at ham the same way again. Another hard part has been that his BMI was almost too low to qualify so we have been trying to "fatten him up" for the last few weeks. That means he is eating ice cream and chips, etc that I can no longer have. I am hoping that he will get approved as easily with this insurance as I did. He is far sicker than I was but his BMI is much lower too. I also hope that his recovery goes much better than mine did but then he won't be taking care of and lifting a 20 pound baby all day like I was 4 days post op.
I feel guilty even posting this because it sounds like I am complaining. I don't mean for it to sound that way. I just wish I had been more prepared emotionally for all of this. It is like when I was pregnant and women would tell me, "Your whole life is about to change", I would stand and smile and think that I knew what they meant but only after Lilith was born did I REALLY understand. I think this surgery is like that. I read every book I could get my hands on and although some have gone into the emotional changes after surgery..I didn't really get it till now. I see lots of posts on www.obesityhelp.com that say similar things to what I am experiencing and that makes me feel better. It makes me realize that I am not the only one this is happening to.

2 weeks post op

I have lost almost 30 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. Everyone at work comments that they can see it. That is nice. It is getting easier to take care of Lilith during the day but if I had this to do over again, I certainly wouldn't try to take care of a crawling, cruising 20 pound infant on my 4Th day post op. I am still breastfeeding but it has been challenging. I pumped every 3 hours while in the hospital (and awake). I even fell asleep while pumping a couple of times and woke up all wet. It was interesting considering every time I would start to pump, in would walk the male RN, male aide, male doc, or male dietary person. Seriously. I am still forcing myself to take fluids to keep hydrated and to keep my milk up. I also started Reglan (an anti emetic that increases milk production). I know the nutrition content of my milk is probably next to nothing but I figure it is okay since Lilith is eating 3 meals a day and a yogurt snack. She also gets 2-3 bottles of 6-8oz a day of formula. I am still taking mostly clear liquids with some full liquids, mostly protein shakes, and cream based soups. I am tired a lot but that is because I am basically getting 500 calories a day on most days. I went to the 3 week post op class (I am really 2 weeks post op but I was in the area and wanted to save myself a drive), and was amazed that some of the lap banders were already able to eat protein bars and were saying they were hungry! I knew the lap band wasn't for me. I would be so upset right now if I was hungry after having major surgery for weight loss! I am still struggling with the visual cues from what TV I do watch (I hate some of those commercials, they are evil), Lost, and Medium. When the food is in front of me (like when my husband eats dinner), it doesn't really bother me, (especially if I have a protein shake while he eats). I am having a hard time imagining that I will be able to eat even soft foods by next week like they say you will in the 3 week post op class. I had a bad experience with some clam chowder the other night and it wasn't even that thick. I will say one very bad thing that I have noticed about this surgery, when you eat too fast (like I did with the chowder), you get a horrible tightness in your chest along with some nasty shortness of breath and pain. It feels like what patients that have had heart attacks describe. But on a good note/ bad note, once I made myself vomit (after 2 hours of pain)it went away. I also didn't have to vomit much at all since my pouch is so small, it almost was like spitting up. Too graphic for some of you but true. I also want to stress that you should continue to take your stool softeners when you get home from the hospital, I found this out the hard way, no pun intended. Another rny patient was talking about her "difficulties" in this area at the 3 week class.
Will's birthday was Sunday and we went to see, "Blades of Glory". It was Lilith's first movie experience. It was fun. She really seemed in awe till the last 30 minutes or so when she started to get tired but couldn't sleep because of all of the laughing. She really seemed to enjoy the preview of Shrek 3. We will have to take her to see it when it comes out. I walked around with her by the exit isle and she was fine with that and I still got to see the end of the movie. I ordered Will a chocolate cake with cream filling (a small cake). He is still eating on it. I did get to have some of his sugar free ice cream (2 spoonfuls and I was stuffed). I didn't even mind making dinner for him. This not being hungry thing can be really cool sometimes but you do have to watch mental hunger. I had a dream that Will was making pans and pans of Lasagna and wouldn't let me have any. Here is the funny part, I don't really like lasagna! I am walking with Lilith almost everyday, weather permitting, to a park and back. She really like the swings and gets excited when I bring out the stroller. I can't wait till we can swim again. She use to get that excited when we would start to get the swim gear out. My friend Carla's wedding is June 29Th and I was hoping to be down 40 pounds or so, but if I keep loosing at this rate, I will be down a lot more than that! Yeah! I am so happy that I finally got to have this surgery!