more on carmina

Anna,

I would tell you this and I would tell Carmina the same thing. There is no rule that says you have to discuss anything with anyone. I am sorry that Carmina has not been there for you and maybe this is the break you need, to branch out and find friends you can coffee with, going shopping with, etc. What Carmina feels about your husband or your life has absolutely no bearing on you, it is your life. And if it brings you pain, then you must step away for your own well being.

You can contact Andrea here, I have no problem with that and I don't think Carm would either if you were talking to her. I know she felt you were going around her and being sneaky or just a brat to make her mad. But here we work under my rules not Carm's. It makes Andrea very uncomfortable to have to defend her family and I try to stay away from that. She didn't make the family what it is and she shouldn't have to explain it, so that would be the only area I would ask you to stay away from.

As to asking me to be in the middle, I did not think you were asking me anything, but I wanted you to know my position. I always try to be upfront and truthful. It keeps things on the up and up and simple.

Andrea and I will be leaving for California on December 22 and returning January 4. We are taking the train out and spending time with my friends. We are both looking forward to this vacation.

Please stay well and take care of your self. We will do the same.

BTW, when I talked to Carm/Andrea last night, they were having serious computer problems. A friend is coming over today to see if they can fix it. So they will be out of the loop for a while.




----- Original Message -----
From: ANNA GONZALES
To: kathe
Sent: 11/11/2005 3:15:54 AM
Subject: i am not asking you to be in the middle
I am just letting you know so that one day if Andrea asks or wants to know why I stopped having contact with her, you can tell her if you wish to do so.
I know you believe that this will blow over but I am truly done.
I have given this some thought and as much as the decision pains me as I know Carmina needs a friend, I cannot do this anymore. I have tried to be understanding except when I thought Andreas safety and well being were at risk. I realize now that Carmina has never given me that same curtiousy. She seems to enjoy my misfortune which is also hard for me to accept. She doesn't want to hear that my husband is trying or that we are in couples counceling (infact she tried to encourrage me that even going was a mistake). She calls my husband names everytime he is mentioned and makes fun of him, playing on my worst fears and keeping me constantly upset and doubting my choices. I do not do this to her, I do not tell her Kris is cheating (just because he has in the past), I do not tell her he is going to shove her out another window (just because he has in the past), I tell her that I worry about some of his drug and violent history but I belive he has made great improvements and so long as he is her husband, I will respect that and hope that he makes her happy, (and if she isn't happy I tell her that I hope she can find what will make her happy whatever that may be). I never get this support or encouragement from her, I even told her that I was fine with their current "lifestyle" as long as it made her happy (even if I don't agree with it, I still feel it is her choice and I told her to be careful and to be sure she knew the risks, like I thought a good friend should). I want to work on my marriage and my husband does too and Carmina won't accept this. She won't allow me any privacy at all (but then she doesn't allow anyone in her household any privacy either so I don't know why I am surprised), even getting furious when I told her that I couldn't discuss our sessions because I had promised our therapist (not just my husband) not to as that is part of our issue. She automatically assumed that I wasn't telling her because Will didn't want me talking about it to her. Honestly Kathe, Carmina NEVER came up. I told her that we BOTH promised we weren't going to tell ANYONE but she egotistically went into a tirade about how my husband didn't want me talking to her because only she was telling me the truth. That is when I knew Kathe.
I think Carmina is bored and lonely and she is trying to keep her own little soap opera going for some ammusement. I refuse to allow my relationship and my unborn child to be the ant hill that she is pouring salt on just to see us run. I am in the middle of a high risk pregnancy and I cannot be this stressed all of the time. I also don't want to hear how I am doing everything wrong with my pregnancy and my child rearing from mother of the year either. Which was also becoming an issue.
I am only telling you all of this because I hope you see that I did try and that I do still care about Andrea. I am glad that she is going to be living with you again. I think she needs a good role model during her teen years especially, I think even Carmina knows you are better suited for that than she is at this point and I have to give her credit for sending her maid/babysitter back to you.
I am sorry this letter is so angry but I am truly upset and imagine it will take me a very long time to not be this upset. I wish you the best and I hope you and Andrea will be happy. Carmina knows my mothers e-mail and address, as she has been writing her (which is another issue I could ban her from trying to involve my very ill mother in this but I figure my mother is an adult so it is in her power to tell Carmina to stop if she wants to not mine, as Andrea is a child, I do see the difference in the situations even if it doesn't make me happy ( I also never sent Andrea anything personal or mentioning any of this, nor would I), so in the future if Andrea wishes to contact me when she is older, tell her to feel free.
I will not write you about this or mention this again as I don't want to keep this drama going so don't worry.
Good luck to to you and thank you for being there for Andrea,
Anna