A dumping we will go, a dumping we will go

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This is almost too embarrassing to post but my thought is, if it prevents this from happening to someone else, then it is worth it.
So I have been very stressed lately. Some of you know more of it than others, in brief; I am changing jobs (hours I will be working, hospital that I will be working at, and going into the one area of nursing that I have no experience in what so ever)
in school (trying to meet the January deadline which means I will be trying to take 14 credit hours while working full time, caring for Lilith, and trying to fulfill all of the testing, interviews, etc for my possible career change), going through the process of changing my whole career which requires all sorts of hoop jumping and testing (see above), and trying to find a daycare that I trust enough to enroll Lilith in. I was an emotional eater before this surgery and as much as this surgery fixes your stomach, it does nothing to fix your head. I have been dealing with this since the surgery with mostly success but lately I have been having a hard time and have been really having to remind myself not to give in. (you aren't really hungry, you are just stressed, eating this won't make you feel any better, in fact it will make you feel worse, etc etc.) Well, yesterday I did something REALLY STUPID and very dangerous. I had a slice of a torte. Did I know that it was not the right thing to do, yes. Did that stop me, unfortunately, no it didn't. I am unfortunately one of those post ops that can get away with a little sugar and not dump, usually. I can push my limits up to the 15mgs and sometimes even beyond with no ill effects. This makes me sad as I don't miss the breads or fats at all but I am still tempted by sugar. If I dumped on it, I would avoid it. I will be avoiding any type of torte like anything from now on however. I shouldn't have let the dumb thing in the house in the first place, I knew that was stupid right from the start but I didn't stop myself. Lilith fortunately doesn't like most sweets (except chocolate) and I think this is because she really hasn't grown up with them, thanks to the surgery, but I stupidly justified the 1/12 slice of poison thinking I could share it with her. She wanted nothing to do with it. So guess who ate it the following morning for breakfast? um hum. on an empty stomach none the less. I told you the whole thing was very stupid. Well, all I can say is that I am VERY LUCKY. I had fed Lilith first and put the television on Sprout so she could watch Sesame street while I ate the torte. I justified it again because it was such a small slice, etc etc. It wasn't even a flavor I would normally have chosen for myself (lemon) but I ate it anyway. I started to feel strange with in 5 minutes of eating it. I got very very sleepy and thought, hey maybe I am just really tired. We had stayed up late the night before going to see "The Dark Knight" so the warning bells didn't go off like they should have. I shut the gate going into the dining room and kitchen area and got a body pillow and lay down next to Lilith thinking that I would just rest a little. That is the last thing I remember. I vaguely remember being in pain (cramping and a pounding headache)but it was almost like it was part of some weird dream. I woke up 3 hours later realizing that Lilith had pulled up my night gown and was saying, "Lilith boobie. Boobie Mama. Lilith hungry, Mama". I was laying there with my gown almost completely over my head. I might as well have been laying there with a syringe sticking out of my arm. Seriously that is how horrible I felt. I was dead to the world for 3 hours from what I realize now as a hyperglycemic reaction. Just like a diabetic that eats too much sugar and can go into a coma or a coma like state, that is what I had done to myself with my sugar ingestion. I am super fortunate that I have toddler proofed our home like I have. I am so grateful that nothing bad happened to Lilith in those three hours. I am super grateful that I actually woke up at all. I won't joke about our home being toddler jail anymore. I can't say what she would have gotten into if the kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, etc had been accessible during that time. I sure wouldn't have been available to help her if she had hurt herself. Again, would it have been anymore dangerous if I had been ingesting any other potentially impairing type of drug or substance? I think not. I know some of you will want to argue with me that a slice of cake is a lot different than shooting up some heroin or getting drunk while trying to care for your child but after this surgery, is it really? We don't know how we will react to sugar. We could be in the bathroom for hours, or over the sink, or unconscious like I was, but the result is almost the same in all three scenarios, we are unavailable to watch or care for anyone but ourselves (in the last example we aren't even able to do that, I should have realized what was happening to me and been very concerned but I wasn't even thinking clearly enough to do that). If that doesn't sound dangerous, then I don't know what does. It also epitomises the behavior of an addict. I sat up disorientated and had to immediately go to the bathroom to dump. Lovely, I know but that is the ugly reality of it. Just like the heroin addict or alcoholic who
vomits on themselves after taking a hit or a drink, or soiling themselves, or worse.
In my eyes there is no difference. I was then unavailable to Lilith as I sat in the bathroom with her watching me from the bathroom gate (she pushed the bathroom door open and I was in no position to stop her) asking, "mama okay?" over and over again. I could tell she was scared and that only made it worse as I tried to reassure her while trying not to moan from the cramps. Yes, I warned you this was an embarrassing post but I want people to realize just how seriously you are effected by eating sugar after this surgery. After all of that and a quick shower, I finally lay down with Lilith and breastfeed her to sleep for her nap. I then cleaned up the toys she had strewn all over her room and the living room. That is how out of it I was, I didn't even hear her doing this. What if she had been older and had come home from school or come in from another room and found me passed out an unresponsive how traumatising would that have been to a young child? What a therapy inducing memory that would be? I am so ashamed that I let a stupid piece of cake jeopardize my daughters safety and my health.
I looked up the torte online and found out that 1 serving 1/12 of the thing (it was pre-sliced) had 31 grams of sugar. Talk about stupid, I would never have eaten it knowing that but ignorance is bliss or at least a 3 hour coma. Don't do this to yourself. Take the warning about not consuming too much sugar SERIOUSLY! It frightens me to think of all of the horrible things that could have happened to myself and to Lilith. My husband wasn't due home for 7 hours. I am so grateful that I woke up at all.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 slice (123g)
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Amount per Serving

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Calories 420 Calories from Fat 230


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% Daily Value *
Total Fat 25g 38%
Saturated Fat 11g 55%
Trans Fat 0g
Cholesterol 80mg 27%
Sodium 280mg 12%
Total Carbohydrate 47g 16%
Dietary Fiber 0g 0%
Sugars 31g
Protein 5g 10%

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Vitamin A 8%
Vitamin C 20%
Calcium 2%
Iron 2%

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Est. Percent of Calories from:
Fat 53.6% Carbs 44.8%
Protein 4.8%