Just a few samples from this funny book.....
Fun ways to be largely ineffectual as a parent (or how to change the subject and introduce BIG WORDS)
problem
you want to talk to your kid about something she may or may not be in trouble for so you tell her, "please come here". She refuses, thus bringing up a possible second offense you have to deal with.
solution
Say ,"buddy, I feel a power struggle coming on and I'm already planning to hold my ground". This won't do any good, but it's never to soon to introduce the whole "power struggle" concept.
problem
You are convinced that your child is being "manipulative" and therefore think you should punish him.
solution
Say, "I think this is bringing up other issues for me, so I'm going to have to withdraw from any argument". This won't do any good, but it will introduce the concept that moms and dads, unlike gods and goddesses, have their own problems.
problem
Your kid wants to go to the farmer's market wearing a Hello Kitty bathing suit, rain boots, and a snow jacket.
solution
Point out that this outfit is, while incredibly hip, incongruous with accepted beliefs about weather. Then offer her a hat and leggings to go with the ensemble.
problem
You put your kid on time out, setting the timer according to the old 1 minute x age formula, but the kid won't stay in the dreaded chair.
solution
Repeat the rules about time out over and over until the buzzer rings. Then offer an extra minute in lecture time. This will so annoy them that they'll just sit through the next time out.
problem
Your kid is flailing around on the floor screaming,"bad momma, funky momma, bad momma".
solution
Say, "I'm sorry that you are angry at me, but I'm sure glad you are able to express it so eloquently." This won't do any good either, but being ineffectual and respectful, well, that's pretty awesome.
Parents rights
you have the right....
not to be perfect
to put your own needs first sometimes
to express your feelings appropriately
to listen to Arrested Develoment at a reasonable volume
to ask for what you want or need
to your own opinions
to say no
not to be abused
to change your mind
to ask for help- emotional or practical
to eat spicy gumbo even if your kids think it smells nasty
to set limits and boundaries
to pursue your own interests and/or career
to take time for yourself
to have a social, romantic, and sexual life
to do a little jig whenever you want
Childrens rights
children have the right....
to be children
to be nurtured and cared for
to express their feelings and ideas
to listen to Raffi at a reasonable volume
to ask for what they want or need
to be believed
to say no
to be protected from abuse, neglect, and worries about grown-up problems
to not have any idea who Rush Limbaugh is
to be respected and accepted for who they are
to have playmates and supportive grown-ups in their lives
to know their limits and boundaries
to make certain choices
to natural consequences
to privacy
to do a little jig whenever they want
some signs that you need to get out more....
you are beginning to think of someone you only know as "yip34@zip.com" as one of your closest friends
you send yourself mail just so you can chat with the mail delivery person
you have been wearing the same electric blue fuzzy robe your mother gave you for Christmas for seven days straight and there is nothing physically wrong with you
you honestly couldn't summarize the local weather pattern over the the past few days
you talk to the guy who calls with the Toyota marketing survey for over an hour
you have found yourself lately pondering your spiritual connection with Montel Williams
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